Calling all virgins
Thursday, September 7th, 2006
For all those twenty-something virgins out there who are looking for hot monkey love, but are unwilling to publicize their need to breed in Jane magazine, consider the following advice: Move to Nebraska.
Why Nebraska? According to the most recent Census survey, Nebraska ranks No. 5 on the list of 10 most lopsided states where single guys ages 15 to 44 outnumber single women in the same
age group.
It seems that Nebraska males are content to stay down on the farm, while their female counterparts seek out greener pastures in search of careers and/or close encounters of the intimate kind. So Nebraska would seem made to order for 29-year-old self-proclaimed virgin Sarah DiMuro who’s quest to lose her virginity before age 30 is being covered ad nauseum by Jane. After all, what red-blooded Nebraska male wouldn’t jump at the chance to be the subject of Sarah’s blog on the magazine’s Web site, or mind sharing his first date with a camera crew from the TV show “The Insider”?
Jane has even made it easy to nominate “your brother, best guy friend or just an awesome dude” by providing an online form for submitting eligible candidates. But why just one “best guy friend”? Wouldn’t a ménage a trios be even more memorable for Sarah and create an even bigger “PR bonanza” for Jane? And what better “awesome dudes” for the job than Nebraska’s Herbie Husker and Lil’ Red? They’re colorful, playful and have a strong sense of humor which would seem to be a prerequisite for this particular solicitation. Helping Sarah lose her virginity could be the biggest thing to hit the publicity hungry University of Nebraska Lincoln campus since Tommy Lee.
Unfortunately, with all the resulting media attention, it’s highly probable that Sarah’s coup de grace could turn out to be anticlimactic.